Where's the Kaboom?

Interview Tips for Athletes Christians

One of the talking points in the recent Duck Dynasty brouhaha was whether the GQ interviewer "set up" Phil Robertson, whether he "baited" him to say something controversial.

OF COURSE HE DID! That's journalism 101, people! Maybe not so much explicitly stated in journalism school, but certainly understood by any successful cable news network - controversy sells, controversy skyrockets ratings. So long as you walk the fine line of not utterly offending your advertisers, the more drama the better.

It reminds me of a certain little brother, poking and prodding and pushing buttons until… KABOOM!

Professional athletes and coaches come to understand this (or get lambasted by the media). They learn how to talk to reporters. They learn what to say and not to say when interviewed by the press. Christians need similar training. Listen, Jesus's message of love, grace, forgiveness doesn't translate well in a ten-second soundbite. Love comes from relationship. The media doesn't do relationship. The media does divisiveness and partisanship. How can Christians manage the soundbite so they can get on to the important business of being like Jesus?

I looked to the world of sports to give believers some tips on how to respond to the hostile interview.

Q: Why are you so outspoken about your religious beliefs?
A: The best defense is a good offense. And defense wins championships.

Q: In your opinion, what is sin?
A: Well, sin is definitely a difficult opponent. They're not going to pull any punches. I have the utmost respect for them, but I'm trained and ready for the match-up.

Q: But specifically, what is sin? Do you consider (current controversial subject) sin?
A: You know, I just have to play my game, not get caught up in the situation, worrying what the opposition is going to do.

Q: So, what are you saying? Do you sin?
A: I prefer not to dwell on the past. It's a marathon, not a sprint, you know. It will come back to haunt you.

Q: Haunt you? In what way? Are you talking about Hell?
A: This game, it's all mental. I'm working to keep my focus on the goal, my eye on the prize.

Q: Focus on what? Are you talking about Heaven?
A: I just need to take it one game at a time. If I make it to the championship, I owe it all to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Q: So tell me about Jesus. Do you consider Him the only way to salvation?
A: Jesus and me, we're a team. And there's no I in team. He's managing this ball club, and I plan to follow His playbook every step of the way.

Jesus was no stranger to the hostile interviewer. His critics attempted to trap him on a number of occasions.

Q: This woman was caught in sin. The law says she be put to death. What do you say?
A: Let him without sin cast the first stone.

Q: What about taxation? What's your position on the current tax rate versus charitable giving?
A: Give the government what belongs to the government, and to God what belongs to God.

Q: Which ONE of the ten commandments is the greatest?
A: Love. Love God, love others.

If Christians want to be outspoken, then by all means be outspoken. But know that divisiveness, hurt and misunderstanding may follow in its wake. We'd do well to keep our soundbites short and our relationships long. Love God, love others.

Haters to the Left; Haters to the Right

Two things I love about Facebook: 1) Connecting with far-away friends because I hate phone calls and I'm too lazy to remember to email and 2) perusing everyone's different views on current flashpoint issues.

Case in point: Duck Dynasty versus GLAAD. (To our friends in Africa who don't know that this is a thing - CAN I JOIN YOU?!? Google it, if you dare.)

This is big news! So big that it usurped the white Santa, black Santa debate. So big that it made the homepage of CNN.com, which is where I go when I want to learn what might actually be going on in the world. So big that I'm blogging about it at 6:28 am. (My son has been awake since 4:45 am, so he has long been ready for school with spelling words written and is content to watch the iPad.)

Christian friends whom I love and respect are firmly on the side of the Robertson family on this one. Links to blogs and articles supporting the Robertson family and their right to their Biblical beliefs/free speech popped up on Facebook almost immediately. These arguments make a lot of sense.

Christian friends whom I love and respect are firmly on the side of GLAAD on this one. Links to blogs and articles clarifying the fact that free speech has consequences and that Jesus loved the disenfranchised popped up on Facebook. These arguments make a lot of sense.

The comments and the vitriol have exploded on both sides. If you support Phil Robertson's comments, you are a right-wing hater. If you support A&E's decision to suspend him from the show, you are a left-wing hater.

We so easily and categorically put people's differing beliefs and opinions in a box marked IDIOT and ship it away without taking time to listen, to understand. You would think the 24-hour news cycle would allow for some reflective listening and conflict resolution. (It doesn't take that long. My elementary schoolers practice this.) But it is outrage and BIG OPINIONS that jack-ratings, not seeking to understand why one person might believe this way, why another might feel hurt by this belief, how we can find common ground.

And it's just easier, isn't it, to decide that the person who disagrees with you is a hater. To feel personally attacked by differing opinions, and so surround yourself with those who think like you.

I find it fascinating that Jesus had both a zealot (right-wing oppose-the-government hater) and a tax-collector (left-wing work-for-the-government hater) in his close circle of friends. Clearly, he wasn't bothered by differing opinions. My friend Scott Newland, a pastor with a monkey on his head (I'm not speaking metaphorically), wrote, "I think that a lot of people who disagree with teachings from the Bible would actually think Jesus was the coolest. After all, Jesus didn't condemn the people who did wrong things like X, Y and Z; he loved them. However he did condemn the religious snobs who rejected and looked down on those who did X, Y and Z.
 "I need to remind myself often not to just learn what he taught, but even more so to live how he lived."

It's hard to be holy. It's much easier to latch onto a list of rules.

It's hard to love your enemies. It's much easier to label.

Remember the Chick-fil-A, gay marriage kerfuffle that was all the news darling in 2012? Did you hear the rest of the story, in which Dan Cathy and LGBT activist Shane Windmeyer actually spoke to one another, IN PERSON? In which they BECAME FRIENDS?

I wouldn't be surprised if something similar happened with the Robertson family. If they met and dialogued with someone like Sarah Kate Ellis, GLAAD president.

The next time we find ourselves all fired on one side of a position or another, before immediately labeling the other side as bigoted, intolerant, agenda-seeking haters, let's first sit down and talk. Find out what they believe and why. Seek to understand. We may discover we have more in common than we thought.

One of my son's tutoring assignments is to write us a note everyday to improve his written fluency. (You'll see why in a minute.) Mostly the notes center around Spiderman. Today, this is what he wrote:

Translation: Jesus loves everybody how ever.
Jesus likes people how ever (their) skin
white, brown

Jesus transforms. Relationships transform. Vitriol and hatred enslave.

P.S. If you still have outrage and energy you need to expend, then by all means, jump on board: Stop Child Slavery, Pray for the Persecuted, Sponsor an Orphan in the War Zone…

Happy Birthday

Today is a day I thank God for your birth (SO!) many years ago. The circumstances were such that there might not have been a you had God not intervened. But God knew that this world needed a Trent - needed a son and a friend and a husband and a father just like you - and He was gracious in giving us exactly what we needed.

Today is a day that I thank your mom and your dad for pouring love and discipline and respect and a strong work ethic and a sense of humor into you. They were just what you needed to grow you into the man that God had in mind for you to become.

Today is a day that I thank God for crossing our paths, that He allowed the shy, skinny, (slightly) nerdy drama geek to connect with the popular, athletic baseball star. Thank you for walking beside me and growing with me, for listening and trying to understand and for always making me laugh when I want to fight.

Today is a day that I thank you for giving and sacrificing and laughing and loving. Thank you that you will spend your birthday refereeing our kids' dinner conversation and presiding over homework and administering Mr. Scratchy Beard instead of on the golf course or watching football. Thank you for teaching our children that the world is a bigger place than them, bigger than the east end of Louisville, and that they are kind enough and brave enough to make a difference in this big, brutal, beautiful world. Thank you for showing them everyday what it means to live with integrity.

Thank you for playing with your son in the snow
even though you hate all things cold.
Happy Birthday!

Failing Advent

I have grand plans. I read others' Christ-focused, Be Still, Make Memories Christmas blogs and I think, "Yes! This is the year!" The is the year we are going to be still and joyful and Christ-centered, but this is also the year we will make a lot of Christmas memories doing a lot of Christmas memory-making things that are sugar- and red-dye- and anxiety- and sensory-overload free because decorating the tree is not an excuse to argue with your sister! A DYSREGULATED DEFIANT MELTDOWN IS NOT BEING STILL! IT IS NOT!

This year Amor Ministries sent us an Advent Calendar with the challenge to cultivate a mission-focused life during this time of preparation. We love Amor. Amor has helped to build our family as we have helped to build its homes. So I thought, "Yes! This is the year we disrupt the Christmas craziness with amor, with love."

Night one we lit the Hope candle in our Advent wreath. Hope for the promise. "For you will have a son, and you will give him ---" Whoosh. The Hope candle lasted all of three seconds. We consider it a success that nothing else caught fire.

We tried a couple of "Disrupt Advent" challenges, in random order, because in our family disruption needs advance preparation. The best yet most difficult, ironically, was the "night without electricity," which we shortened to the "after I finish cooking we will eat dinner by candlelight." Again with the candles, chaos and dysregulation, but after, AFTER we turned the lights back on we turned them off again - HE turned them off again - to snuggle on the top bunk with flashlights and storybooks and remembrances.

Sometimes I forget. I forget that a night without electricity for me is an exciting challenge of trying to empathize with daily life a world away. But for my son, a night without electricity is to be thrust into early memories of the very real terrors that roam the dark. I forget that anything different - Christmas trees and snow days and Christmas pageants and Santa Claus and presents and parties and Advent candles - has the threatening power, in his mind, to turn his whole world upside down yet again. It takes practice and try agains and the felt safety of controlling the light to turn hard into healing.

So I have grand plans. This is the year we won't "Disrupt Advent". This is the year we will fail Advent. This is the year we will stick to our regularly scheduled programming as much as possible. Homework after school and VERY ACTIVE playtime before a 6:15 pm dinner then bath and stories and bed. When we must veer away for parties and presents and candles and cookies we will hug tight to each other, to the felt safety of family, to try agains, to the peace and patience of a Savior who came so we could take heart. For in a messy stable surrounded by the chaos of a world in trouble, He came. He overcame. And this year, that is our Advent.

He was an adorable Roman soldier. And he did sing this year.
He only looked murderous part of the time. He was a Roman soldier, after all.

Christmas Card

We are not sending out Christmas cards this year. My daughter is quite upset about this. And I would, if I could. But I have decided it's in the best interest of my family to better manage my stress level, and right now my stress level is hovering just under "RUN FOR THE HILLS! THE WISE MEN ARE ATTACKING!" So instead of designing, organizing, printing, picking up, addressing, going to the store to buy stamps, stamping and mailing cards, I'm going to take a yoga class. At the YMCA. Where they love my Paul and give him heart stamps for having such a great heart.

In spite of my inability to mail cards (seems a little thing, no?), please know that we love you and appreciate you and are thinking about you this holiday season. Feel free to swing by and visit us. The house won't be clean (that's another thing I'm letting go. The stress, you see), but there is always coffee and conversation.

Sam WILL be sending out letters about her upcoming mission trip Ghana. She, and we, would appreciate your prayers.

My mom took fabulous pictures on our trip to Hilton Head this summer, and these were planned for the Christmas card. (These are the ones in which we look happy and having fun. I will exclude the ones in which we were crying.) Please take a moment to imagine these pictures surrounded by our well wishes and holiday greetings.

Namaste.