Living Life On Hold

Editor's note: As of today, it has been 37 weeks since we were matched with a gorgeous, then-five-year old-now-six-year-old boy (whose name isn't really Pacman). So we're heavy into these last stages of waiting to meet him, and ready for "labor" at any time (as if all this waiting isn't labor).

I hate calling corporations. Financial and insurance companies are the worst, I think. First there are the maze of automatic options to wade through and buttons to push - "Press 6 for the automated voice explaining your four options if you can't decide between options 1 through 5." Then, to finally speak to a real-live person, you must first be put on hold. So I'm trying to tend to family and fix dinner and shoo the dogs off the couch with a phone firmly affixed to my ear, a phone that is playing the same recorded message over and over again. Aaargh!

We're on hold with the adoption, waiting for the FINAL SIGNATURE that will approve our adoption order so we can move forward with yet more - but the final bits - of paperwork. We will most likely travel six weeks (or so) after approval. I've been glued to my iphone, eager to hear the ding-a-ding that lets me know I have a new email/voicemail/text. But regardless of how often I check, I keep getting the same message over and over - "We will let you know when we have any new information."Aaargh!

Because we may travel *soon*, we have been planning our lives no more than six weeks out. Speak at a conference mid-March? Won't know if I'm available until Febuary 7th. We may travel *soon*. Go to Chicago with the orchestra the end of March? Will get back to you Feb. 16. We may travel *soon*. Chaperone the 8th grade Washington, DC trip the end of April? Hmm...can't let you know until March 10th. We may travel *soon*. We can't use vacation days or sick days for ANYTHING, because we may need them for travel. *Soon*.

Unfortunately, conference planners and trip organizers and tour companies, while empathetic, require more than six weeks lead time. Deposits for Chicago and Washington DC were due last fall. And they are NON-REFUNDABLE. Final payments come due well before my six week window. Again, non-refundable. I can't express the angst of handing over a $400 check in January for the Washington trip while at the same time hoping that we will be in Africa during said trip. We might need that $400. Why? Because we might travel *soon*.

I am a planner. I like to plan for various contingencies well beyond six weeks out. I want to know my daughter's summer softball schedule in January because I want to plan softball around writing around weekends at the lake. I want to know the details of the back-to-school schedule so I can arrange my work and child-care schedule. Truth be told, I wouldn't mind next year's winter basketball schedule NOW. That'd be helpful, thanks.

But God has us on hold, which, I'm trying to learn, isn't all bad. I'm learning to trust Him in the day-by-day, knowing we can't worry about the future (because today has enough worries of its own). Our life may look radically different come April. Then again, it may not. Summer softball and lake trips may have to take a backseat to the needs of bonding with a scared and traumatized little boy. Then again, it may not. What comes will come. We are preparing for the myriad of options, but we are also learning to trust God in the moment. Today, right now, what would You have me do?

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matt. 6:34, KJB).