Letter to My Eighth Grade Daughter

Much of the last year has been focused on our adoption - from the months of paperwork to the joy of our match to the agony of waiting. Our prayers every morning and our dinner conversations every evening center on Pacman. Sam already loves her little brother so, so much, and is happy to invest as much time as she can into praying him home.

Exactly one week after receiving news that we had been matched Sam began painting and organizing Pacman's room. And clearing a shelf for him in their shared bathroom. The room is still ready. The shelf, however, has been conscripted back into service.

But this weekend - President's Day weekend - is Sam's birthday. And we are celebrating her. In a big, big way. (Organized and arranged by the man who once asked me if he could go on a weekend buddies golf trip to North Carolina and then somehow morphed my agreement into a 10-day golf tour of Scotland. So, yes, we're gonna live it up.)

My baby is turning 14. Finishing her 8th grade year and looking forward to high school. Which makes me remember my own high school years. Ugh. I was a hot mess in high school (and, um, in college, also). A quivering disarray of anxiety and insecurity and selfishness. Thankfully I had a tremendous family and incredibly tolerant friends who loved me in spite of myself. Sam is already more mature at 13 than I was at 23, but, before she braves the waters of high school, I want to pass on a few words.

1. Practice Positivity. In a world that is often filled with hardship, it can be easy to fall into cynicism, but remember that there is always hope. Suffering produces perseverence, perseverence character, and character hope. Hang on to hope. Look for the good - in others, in yourself. We often find what we seek. At the same time, don't let others' negativity bring you down. Seriously, are they being mean ON PURPOSE? (Or do they just need to work on their people skills?) Give thanks - it's all too easy to focus on what you don't have; but a slight shift to gratitude for what you DO have brings contentment. Laugh often - at yourself, with others. Life is too serious to take seriously. Be confident! See yourself the way God sees you - amazing, forgiven, loved, inconquerable! You are a child of the KING!

When in doubt, don a monkey mask.

2. Travel. See as much of the world as you can. Enjoy luxury hotels if you have the chance, every once in awhile, but, even better, stay in homes and hostels - get to know the incredible people who share this life with you. Experience new cultures, new foods (try at least one bite! Remember those homemade meals in Mexico?), new landscapes, races and religions. But know that no matter how far you roam, you can always, always come home.

Frijoles y mole y tortillas y tamales! Que bueno!

3. Think critically. Don't believe something is true just because somebody else says it is. Challenge conventional wisdom. Challenge authority. Think for yourself. Smart is the new cool. Never  apologize for your intelligence, and don't pretend to be dumb just to get some boy to like you. If he needs a dumb girl to feel good about himself, he's not good enough for you. Read. Read something every day. Read for fun, read to explore your imagination, read for knowledge. Consider the other point of view. Even if you disagree, especially if you disagree, examine the other person's viewpoint. Remember Wicked - there's always another side to the story. Learn to communicate your ideas effectively. Like, OMG, don't use txt or, like, slang 2tlk2 teachers, employers, professional colleagues, 4COL.

I'm through accepting limits
"Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know.
"Defy Gravity"

4. Celebrate the Uniqueness of You. Don't let pop culture define you. There's a reason trends are trends - mass-market fads never last. You, on the other hand, are one of a kind, and you should never have to force who you are into a mold of someone else's making. Those molds are all airbrushed, anyway. See yourself - and others - through "Shallow Hal" eyes. True beauty is on the inside. Love the body you have and take care of it. Make health a priority. Exercise. Eat more of the foods that God created, and less of the foods ConAgra processed. Take time to relax. Practice flexibility - in your body and your mind. Cherish your strengths - enjoy the many, many talents that God has given you and use those talents as a blessing to the world.

Catching rainbows.

5. Love - love yourself, love your friends, love the unlovable. Value your friendships. Diamonds are NOT a girl's best friend. Friends are much more precious. True friends will love you through the ups and downs and will encourage you to become a better person. Do the same for them. Reach out to those who society overlooks. Demonstrate kindness in a world that is often unkind. Who knows, you may find yourself entertaining angels. Find your first true love in God. Don't wait for a boy to complete you. Complete yourself, first. Never date a jerk, no matter how cute he may be on the outside. Remember, always, that you are worthy of respect. Marry a man like your father.

Daddy-Daughter Dance - Trent knows how to set the bar really, really high.

Finally, always know that YOU ARE LOVED.