How Hard Is Too Hard? (and how do you know?)

After my last post,  a friend private messaged me to ask, "How hard is too hard? And how do you know if it's a hard something your kid can do, or if he's so NOT ready that it could be hurtful?"

Great question! I put on my licensed clinical counselor hat, assessed the latest scientific research, and confidently responded, "I don't know."

I don't know. How hard is too hard? There are so many variables. This July our son started playing tackle football. We signed up with a friend, which is always a bonus. (Not included on the flow chart below, but friend involvement usually counts as a supportive relationship and can help kids do harder than they might do alone.) But this friend was one of the youngest on the team, and wasn't ready, wasn't having fun at all, so friend dropped out. Now Paul is on this very intense tackle football team (think the drills at football camp in Remember the Titans) without friend and without understanding much of what American football is all about.

So football is hard. He never wants to go to practice, and will start telling us he doesn't want to go to practice from the moment he wakes up and realizes it's a practice day. (But once he's AT practice, in the care of one of the six foot five inch, 300 pound, former NFL player coaches, he's fine. And he says, "Yes, sir!" a lot.) So we really struggled, all of July, if this activity was good for him, if this was TOO hard, if we should let him quit. I asked my facebook adoption support group, people who know trauma kids, and got a wide variety of answers and opinions. Basically, their advice all boiled down to, "I don't know."

So I put together a flow chart:

So the arrows don't all line up, but I'm proud of myself for figuring out how to get this flow chart in the blog in the first place. It was hard! But I can do hard things. ;)

Generally, I'm a fan of letting kids try hard. Failure's not the worst thing that will ever happen to them. In fact, failure may be the best thing that will ever happen to them, especially if they fail knowing that you love them, you support them, and you are right there backing them up and encouraging them to try again. 

“Success is 10 percent inspiration and 90 percent perspiration.” Thomas Alva Edison

Doing hard teaches them how to perspire.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope (Romans 3:3-4).

Suffering, perseverance, character, hope. If our kids know they can do hard with God in their corner, then they know they can do anything.

Football practice is still not his favorite thing,
but he's learning what it takes to be a warrior.
And we're there cheering like crazy people.

Is it too hard for a seven-year-old to mow the grass?
No, no it's not. (It may look a little whack, but he's SO proud of himself!
And I'm thrilled to have a child who wants to attempt yard work!)