The Gift, and Curse, of Fear

Admittedly I haven't been keeping a close eye on the news. I have a better understanding of what's happening on Cartoon Network than I do on CNN. I used to love to read the newspaper on the weekend, but last summer my subscription expired, and renewing it feels just too tiring to contemplate. So I have only a vague knowledge of the Zimmerman case. I know that witnesses were called and motives examined, and at the end of the day the jury found George Zimmerman not guilty by reason of self-defense.

I don't know what went down that rainy night in Florida. As my friend Kim blogged, only two people know exactly what happened that night. One of them is dead, and the other has a vested interest in staying out of jail. No one really knows if Zimmerman shot because he had prejudiced notions about black teenagers or if he shot as a means of saving himself from being head slammed. But I do know one key element that was present in the interaction from the moment Zimmerman spotted Trayvon Martin - FEAR.

Attachment psychologist Dr. Brian Post posits that we operate out of only two basic emotions - love and fear. Every other emotion, from generosity to rage, can be traced back to one or the other of these basic emotions. Anger management counseling often works to peel back to the emotions hidden below the anger, emotions that often have their root in fear.

When I worked for Child Protective Services, several coworkers and I attended a self-defense workshop. (We often visited homes in high-crime areas, you see, working with families who were often not especially happy to see us.) The instructor taught us useful maneuvers like the testicle twister and the eyeball gouge (practiced using grapes). He also taught about recognizing and respecting our instincts, being alert to our surroundings and our internal warning mechanisms, citing research from The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. The author studies "the universal code of violence" and uses these tools to teach survival. I use this theory with elementary students when I teach abuse prevention workshops. If they feel uncomfortable or nervous or afraid in a situation or with a particular person, we talk about recognizing that "uh-oh feeling", getting out of dodge, going somewhere safe and talking to a trustworthy adult about what the heck they're feeling and why.

Fear has always been necessary to the survival of our species. In contrast to the rest of the top-of-the-food-chain animal world, we are relatively small and weak. We are also one of the few species who prey primarily on one another, making other humans especially dangerous.  We learn to categorize and stereotype as a means of self-preservation. Those with highly attuned fear receptors more easily avoid danger, and stay alive.

But this gift of fear also comes with a curse. It's very, very easy for the fear systems in our brains to get out of whack. Early trauma and neglect can send the brain's stress response into overdrive, making even innocuous or pleasurable situations (an upcoming vacation to the beach, perhaps) into a high-anxiety event. Even as adults traumatic events such as war, a car accident, physical violence, sexual abuse, divorce, the death of a loved one can sear into the brain, resulting in easily triggered and seemingly life threatening fear in situations that may (or may not) resemble the initial trauma.

This fear response extends even into events outside our personal realm. A news story about a child abduction two states over may cause a mom to, wisely, warn her child about stranger danger, but it may also cause that same mom to forbid her child from playing outside at all. Stories of crime perpetuated by black teenagers may trigger the fear that causes a neighborhood watchman to shoot an unarmed boy. Stories of police brutality against African-Americans may cause a black teen to physically confront a neighborhood watchman.

My son attended VBS this summer. The theme verse for the week was 2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. It takes power and love and a sound mind to recognize when fear is a wise reaction to a real threat versus a curse that keeps us in bondage.

My sister visited Belize recently. (Which makes me ponder the root from which jealousy stems.) It was early evening, and she and her husband were hanging out across the street from the hotel. A police officer approached them. "You don't want to be here after dark," he warned them. The curse of fear would have terminated their vacation and put them on a plane back home with the belief that Belize City was a den of violence. The gift of fear allowed them to saunter back to the hotel before nightfall with a relaxing week of ocean paradise yet to enjoy.