How to Clean Grout

I didn't plan this summer well. I waffled. I wanted quality time with Paul, but I also knew I'd have some weeks that I'd need to work. I couldn't decide what camps would be best for him - educational, YMCA, unstructured fun, VBS - so I put off making a decision. Then when I did make a decision on a combination of YMCA and the unstructured fun of Camp Hi-Ho with friends, several of the weeks I needed were already full. But I thought, "That's OK. That will give us some all day one-on-one time." Plus we had vacation and a few little weekend trips and our 25th high school reunion (which is TONIGHT).

This week here, week there, just go with the flow summer is not working for us. Some of you have kids who can do this, can wake up and enjoy whatever the day may bring. I have a child like this. This is the child who, when offered a chance to spend the summer in Germany with a family she didn't really know, traveling to a variety of places that they'd figure out as they went, said, "Where's my passport? Let's roll!"

My other child is not like this. My other child wants to know exactly what we're doing, when we're doing it, and if something comes up like we're meeting your friend at Pool B instead of Pool A will fuss and sass and pout until it's time to go leave Pool B, at which point he will decide this is the best thing ever and he is NOT going to leave. It's a control thing. I get it. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Especially when he sasses himself right into the camp director's office and I have to pick him up early. (Getting sent to the principal's office is one thing, but seriously, suspended from CAMP? Come on, man!) So then I have to figure out how to love him and calm him and teach him how to treat others with respect even when he feels like the world is spinning off its axis.

I don't really have any good ideas on this. I have a lot more and better ideas when I counsel others how to parent their little cherubs than when I try to parent my own little cherub. Feeling like he's "in trouble" just harms his sense of attachment, taps his shame, makes him more dysregulated. So somehow I have to show him that I love him, that he's a great kid (deep down) and that he has the power to calm himself and treat others with respect.

Different kids need different things at different times to meet these needs. What's working for Paul right now is stripping away all privileges (bike, electronics, unsupervised play time) and spending lots of time with me doing chores. So I've been needing to clean the grout in my bathroom. Needing to do this for, like, six  years. But - ugh. Scrubbing grout requires a lot of time. Who has that kind of time? No one has that kind of time...except for someone who suddenly can't go to camp on Thursday.

So we scrub and talk and scrub and sing and scrub and practice kind words, practice yes ma'ams, practice listening. And somewhere between brown grout and cream grout he came to the realization that obeying camp counselors is a lot more fun than scrubbing grout with Mom. So on Friday he went back to camp and had a great day with his friends, a great day showing respect to the counselors.

And now we're at Grandma's for our 25th reunion, and he's bouncing around the house, sassing and grumping, and I'm wondering if Grandma's grout needs some cleaning.