Seed Planters

It's an unnerving experience to adopt a child at six years of age (or four or eight or...). Brain research and psychosocial studies indicate the vital importance of nurturing care during the first three years of a child's life in establishing that child's ability to trust, to self-regulate, to attach, to form healthy relationships. During the preschool years, children learn independence, social conscience and how to interact positively with community. That which is missed early on can be retaught, but, like learning a foreign language as an adult, it is a slow, laborious, confusing process.

Adopting an older child means not knowing much, if anything, about your child's early life; not knowing how his crucial early experiences interplayed with his - also unknown - genetic structure. There are scars, that much is evident, but what were the causes, just how deep the wounds, and how strong the personality's ability to heal?

As we move into the triage stage with Paul (see Jen Hatmaker's blog for uncanny insight into the stages of adoption (was she spying on us during our honeymoon and spaz-o-rama stage? #stalker)) we glimpse evidence of his early hurts, his losses and his fears. But we also glimpse evidence of the caregivers who came before us, bandaging and nurturing and comforting.

He was loved, that much is certain. We know very little about his first family, but we do know that they gave him life and strength, a warrior spirit tempered with playful humor. He eased so willingly into the role of cuddled, held, cherished son that I am certain that he was once upon a time a cuddled, held cherished son. I wish I could know his first mom and dad, could thank them for pouring what they had into him. His first family gave him the seed of life and surrounded this with fertile, abundant soil in which that seed could grow.

An orphanage can be a scary, lonely, hungry place for a preschool child. And Paul is starting to talk about some of those scary, lonely and hungry times. But he talks more often about happy, playful, abundant times. These caregivers that he misses and about whom he shares stories and for whom he prays - M'e Mavis, the orphanage director; M'e Nancy and Mamanyoma, who readied his paperwork so he could be eligible for adoption; Miss Sue who walked him to school; Shelley who bought toys and who shared playdoh and love and laughter; the missionaries who built playgrounds and forged friendships - they watered his seed and planted seeds of their own: seeds of fun, of belonging, of God's love, of sacrifice and patience.

Those seeds continue to grow and bloom in Paul's life; we are the fortunate ones who get to witness the fruits and the flowers of their work. Kea Leboha. Thank you.

Shelley 's heart touching and transforming the lives of little ones.
(Picture stolen from her FB page 😊)