The Trauma that is Wal-Mart

At almost three weeks home, we've had to do a bit of shopping with Paul in attendance.  I had been warned against shopping with a newly adopted child - too many choices, too much stuff, too much sensory overload can send them spinning into hyperactivity or meltdown. Paul did pretty well shopping in Lesotho (course he was in a state of shock through most of it); not quite as well in Johannesburg (that mall WAS huge and overwhelming), so I wasn't sure what to expect once in America. But the child goes through produce faster than Jack LaLanne, so we had to hit the stores at some point.

Some stores are definitely more parent-of-an-easily-overwhelmed-child friendly. So, for what it's worth, here's my list from best to worst.

1) Foxhollow Farm Store: This is a small store about ten minutes away that sells their own organic produce, chicken, eggs and beef as well as a few other local products. Absolutely my most favorite grocery store with Paul. First, everything is organic, so if he does the snatch and hide, I don't have to worry too much. (The item that you are hiding behind your back, Paul, is a cucumber. Yes, you may eat it. Enjoy.) Second, the most tempting items in child view are the honey and the raisins. No Buzz Lightyear "fruit" snacks at child height anywhere to be found. Third, they have the best playground ever. Shade, a big tower, a super-friendly cat that can climb the slide, two teepees, and the background music of birdsong and chickens clucking. Fourth, no cart, which means he has to walk. So walk he does. While this could be a downside in other stores (snatch, hide and run), here there is nowhere for him to go but out into the open fields where he could run to his heart's content. The only downside is that fact that it is all local - no bananas or oranges, which are big favorites.

2) Lowes: The cart at Lowes is Paul's most favorite - it's a race car, up high (unlike Kroger's which is low), and he gets to be the driver. So he's up at my level, driving the car through aisles of tools, and I can teach him important English words like miter saw and grout float and two-by-four. Lowes also doesn't get (too much) into the child-marketing racket, so there aren't a lot of tempting items at six-year-old height. But no produce except in grow-your-own form. Also, the toilets out there in the open created a bit of confusion. Paul: "Mum, pee pee?"
Me: "Yes, that's a toilet. But it's not for peeing. At least, not here. Buy it, then pee at home."
Paul: "Pee pee!"
Me: "DO you have to pee?"
Paul: "No pee pee. No!" Laughter.
Me: ???

3 tied) Whole Foods: Lots of produce. Lots and lots. That's pretty much as far as we got at Whole Foods - the produce aisle. (While we were there, my parents were on a reconnaissance mission to Toys 'R Us. No, I have not and will not take Paul to Toys 'R Us. Ever.) Paul was in produce heaven. Now when Paul wants more fruit, that's his go-to place. "Mum, um store um (finger on mouth) apple and orange and peach and um more." The cart at Whole Foods is a little squishy, though. I know, it's made for a two-year-old, not a six year old, but still.

3 tied) Paul's Fruit Market: Ditto above. They have lots of free fruit samples, which may give them an edge over Whole Foods, but their carts are even smaller and their aisles are tighter, which puts all the  and brightly colored packaging within easy-to-snatch reach.

5 tied) Costco: Pros - big carts in which Paul can ride; big aisles through which I can traverse directly in the center; big items that seem less appealing (more difficult to snatch and hide). Cons - the big space and the florescent lights quickly create sensory overload, and this is a difficult store in which to get in and out quickly.

5 tied) Kroger: Perhaps it's because we visit Kroger a lot and have  conversations about what we will buy and won't buy at Kroger (Yes fruit. No toys.), but Paul stays relatively calm at Kroger. He's usually content to hold the bag of oranges on his lap in the cart (I prefer him in the cart rather than in the race car front, which is way too easy to get in and out) and do his "ooh, ahh" dance whenever he sees something "Delishush!" But, note to others, avoid passing under the balloons, which are all-too-easy to grab yet difficult to extricate from little fists and resulted in us leaving our cart and the store until he could calm down. Which he did. Until we went through checkout and he saw the Scooby-Doo-toy-atop-candy right in reach. (Ugh! Seriously marketing people? Are you overtly trying to make life more difficult for parents? I guess it's a teaching moment - he's learning that when I say, "Yes, orange; no, toy," I mean it.)

7) Walgreens: To be fair, we visited Walgreens right before his doctor's appointment. We had been watching the Curious George video in which George visits the doctor, and we didn't want to spring the doctor visit on him, so he knew it was coming. (Preparing your child for transitions and for what's next is recommended by Dr. Purvis and other attachment counselors, and this is usually effective, but there are times when this just transfers the anxiety to the pre-event phase.) Paul was already anxious, and there is nothing soothing about Walgreens. Small carts, small aisles, florescent lights, lots of brightly colored packaging and toys in easy-to-snatch reach. We had to leave the cart and the store and head to the car for some soothing deep breathing. (Then I had to help Paul calm down.)

8) Wal-Mart: I never intended to take Paul to Wal-Mart. Never ever. Heck, I rarely go to Wal-Mart myself. It stresses me out! But we'd had a great morning riding bikes and Sam wanted to join us and Wal-Mart had the bike she wanted. (It IS a fun bike - very retro, Panama Jack beach bike complete with a little shelf over the rear tire for surfboard and/or picnic basket as well as a bottle opener on the front axle. Just, you know, in case we move to Key Largo.) We reviewed the plan with Paul - sit in the cart, take pictures and/or listen to music on the phone, buy Sam a bike. It went well for about, oh, one minute. There is just something about Wal-Mart that sends all the senses into overload. Paul was up and out of the cart in a flash, racing maniacally through the toy aisles. We had to do some serious "look in Mama's eyes, take a deep breath, let's find Sam" action, then Sam took him outside so I could pay. DO NOT JUDGE those parents whose children look possessed in Wal-Mart. Their only sin is taking them in the first place and not getting them out fast enough.

Shopping at the Farm Store. Can't get more chill than raisins and a cat!