Words of Advice

It has been a tough day on the adoption front. We got word that the Department of Social Welfare in country has concerns about various and assorted matters, one of which has to do with P's orphanage, and that there has been "no forward movement on families who have already received a referral."

I ache for P. Is he getting enough to eat? Is there someone who will bandage his knee when he falls? Give him a hug before bedtime? Remind him he is loved? With every day that he spends in the orphanage I worry more and more about his emotional and spiritual health. When will he come home? Will we be able to help him overcome his hurts and his grief?

In the midst of my worries, I got a letter from a child I had previously worked with in foster-to-adopt. He was placed in foster care when he was seven years old. At that time, he struggled mightily with grief for his birth mother. He fought, literally fought, attaching to his adoptive family. He desperately wanted to be loved, but he was terrified. He'd been shuttled around for so long. So many fears, so many conflicting loyalties. He loved his birth mother; he was terrified to hear her name. He wanted to love his foster-to-adopt family; but what if they left him, too? I worked for Child Protective Services for three years, and I still can't express the depth of the emotional turmoil that for so many orphans is their "normal".

Fast-forward four years. Eleven years old; his adoption has been final for two years. By every standard - emotional, social, academic, physical, spiritual - he is thriving. He wanted me to know that "school is easy, now!" and his family was a 9 99/100 (because no one is perfect!) on a scale of ten. He wrote because he'd heard we are adopting and he wanted me to share his "Words of Advice" with our son. Printed in part below (emphasis mine):

"I am also adopted and when you stay with your new family more you'll be happier than you will be at first. Find out what you like best about your new family. Mrs. Thompson is really nice. (Smile). It always feels good to know your family loves you and will take care of you and will always keep you safe. Whatever they are doing is to help you get more used to their family, and try to get more close to them... Don't be afraid of them, don't be afraid to hug them because it's not as bad as you think it is and always know that they will love you for the rest of your life. If you go to therapy don't fight to try not to go because you need it and it helps very much. It always makes me feel better and happier after I go to therapy."

I grabbed on to these words like a lifeline. Adoption, for all its wonders, involves an element of tragedy. Any story that reads, "And then the judge said you could live with us," points to a deep, dark sadness somewhere in the plot. The child is an unwitting hero on a perilous journey. Right now, somewhere in an orphanage in Lesotho, P. is on that dangerous journey. And right now the only help I can send is my prayers.

But these "Words of Advice" from an eleven-year-old helped me remember the joy and the hope that also weaves through the stories of adoption. Because someday, P. will ...always know they will love you for the rest of your life."

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).