Forever

Me: "Cover your mouth when you sneeze."

Paul: "Why?"

Me: "So you don't spray germs on people."

Paul: "Like dis?" Pretend sneezes into hand. "Like dis?" Pretend sneezes into elbow. "Like dis?" Pretend sneezes into tissue.

Me: "Yes, like that. Thank you. That's good manners. Friends like good manners."

Paul: "Like dis?" Sneezes full on into my face.

Me: Wiping face. "Ewww. No. Yuck."

Paul: "Friends no liken dat? Won't be my friend? You no liken dat? Won't be my mommy?"

Me: Stop mid-wipe. Get down eye-to-eye with Paul, hands on shoulders. "I will always be your mommy. No matter what. Always and forever."

Paul: "Whaddis forever?"

What is forever? How to explain forever to a child who has only known abandonment and disruption and temporary caregivers?

Forever is every day, every moment. It is every 5:30 am shout of realization that "I'm alone!" and crawling out of a warm bed, up the stairs, into a hug that says no you're not, you're not alone, I'm here. It is stories and songs and back rubs every night, even when you're missing Survivor, until he falls asleep in a cocoon of blankets and love. It is standing guard by the bathroom door to keep away monsters and mean dogs, even when you know all monsters and mean dogs were vanquished from the house years ago when Sam was small. It is wiping off sneezes and cleaning up messes and cutting up apples and peeling orange after orange after orange. It is gentle yet strong in the face of hurts, anger, defiance - teaching and reteaching that this is what love is, this is what family is. It is tickling sometimes and thinking chair sometimes and chores sometimes and sometimes not knowing what to do. It is falling down every night and praying, "God, I screwed that up. Help me show him Your forever love," and waking up every morning, "God, I need Your strength and patience today. Mine is all gone." and allowing God to pour His love in so I can pour it out again. It is "Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" Matthew 28:20.

I cannot promise I will be with him forever. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. But I can be with him right now, show him love right now, and promise that THAT love, that tangible, everyday love, will stay with him always.

If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together ... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even we aren't together, I will always be with you. 
- A.A. Milne, author of Winnie-the-Pooh

It is patience for family pictures when he wants to play and act squirrelly, then realizing that squirrelly makes a really great picture!

Forever is letting him remember his first family and honoring his first family, the mommy and daddy who gave him life. It is sharing stories and pictures about the orphanage, letting him miss his friends and caregivers, letting him grieve all he had to give up to come home, even when that grieving is hurtful, painful, raw. It is praying for those friends he left behind to find their forever love in hugs and kisses and families of their own.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you."
A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

BREAKING NEWS: Prayer warriors: please pray today and this week for Retselise, Paul's friend from MIS. Nancy, a missionary in Lesotho, visited last night, taking food from your generous donations of "lunch money" and found him very ill. Please pray for his health and please pray that Social Welfare will place him in the care of Ministry of Hope by this weekend. Retselise needs to know forever love. And how does a child learn forever love? From having someone they can be sure of.

Reselise with Nancy reading a letter from Paul.