I have fallen in love with a name on a document. A scanned, emailed document. A name I'm not entirely sure how to pronounce. This is foolish. I KNOW this is foolish. There are countless obstacles before this name is added to the Thompson name on official adoption papers. Yet I am smitten.
During my days of working for child protection I counseled foster-to-adopt parents to pray for the children in their care, to trust in God's plan for that child, and to love that child. Yet I empathized with their fear that if they loved these children too deeply, their hearts might be broken. Sometimes their hearts were broken, sometimes in ways that didn't make sense. Was God listening? Did He know what He was doing?
I fear for my heart. I desperately want to abandon my fears and trust, wholeheartedly, in God's plan...to know without a doubt that God will do what is best for this child and for our family, whatever that may be. I KNOW that God answers prayers in amazing and miraculous ways. I have seen this firsthand (just four days ago, in fact!) So what's stopping me? I want to love foolishly ... but foolish love is scary! "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:24.
"What if your blessings come through raindrops... What if the trials in this life are your mercies in disguise?" Laura Story - "Blessings"
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
So Far!
9:00 am - I'm looking at facebook pictures of my brother and sister-in-law, who are in Russia meeting their little girls. I'm so excited for them, but admittedly a little jealous. I realize I haven't posted on my blog in awhile. So even though I have NO NEWS, I post anyway (see below).
9:20 am. Bible study time. It's Beth Moore, exhorting me to pray for a wonder-driven work in my family that is "so far!" out there that God gets profuse credit. I admit that I'm not often a "so far!" kind of pray-er. I tend to pray more along the lines of "Your will be done..." But today I really wrestled with Psalm 18:16 - 19, and I kept tracking to P. "Grab hold of P, Lord. Pull him out of the deep waters of grief and despair, rescue him from his enemies who confronted him on the day of his disaster. Bring him to a spacious place, Lord. Bring him to our home, where he will be showered with love, where he will know your delight."
I prayed that God would bring us a word about P. I wanted confirmation that this was the child with whom we'd been matched. I wanted to know his age, his story. I went so far (!) as to say today. I quickly backtracked - "or this week or whenever...Your will be done." But that felt seriously wimpy (did God actually call me a wimp? I don't know, but it sure felt like it!), so I prayed "today. Bring us a word TODAY." I worried I was setting myself up for disappointment.
9:50 am. I really must do some work. I log back onto my computer and pull up manuscripts I need to edit. But ADD distraction...my email bings! Better check email, first.
It's AFAA! Our adoption agency! Emailing P's birth certificate (he's 5 1/2!) and orphanage report. Oh! My God! Wow! Today! Not days after my prayer, not hours, literally SECONDS after I prayed for P I got a word! I'm gonna keep praying!
Psalm 18:19 - He brought me into a spacious place. He rescued me because he delighted in me.
9:20 am. Bible study time. It's Beth Moore, exhorting me to pray for a wonder-driven work in my family that is "so far!" out there that God gets profuse credit. I admit that I'm not often a "so far!" kind of pray-er. I tend to pray more along the lines of "Your will be done..." But today I really wrestled with Psalm 18:16 - 19, and I kept tracking to P. "Grab hold of P, Lord. Pull him out of the deep waters of grief and despair, rescue him from his enemies who confronted him on the day of his disaster. Bring him to a spacious place, Lord. Bring him to our home, where he will be showered with love, where he will know your delight."
I prayed that God would bring us a word about P. I wanted confirmation that this was the child with whom we'd been matched. I wanted to know his age, his story. I went so far (!) as to say today. I quickly backtracked - "or this week or whenever...Your will be done." But that felt seriously wimpy (did God actually call me a wimp? I don't know, but it sure felt like it!), so I prayed "today. Bring us a word TODAY." I worried I was setting myself up for disappointment.
9:50 am. I really must do some work. I log back onto my computer and pull up manuscripts I need to edit. But ADD distraction...my email bings! Better check email, first.
It's AFAA! Our adoption agency! Emailing P's birth certificate (he's 5 1/2!) and orphanage report. Oh! My God! Wow! Today! Not days after my prayer, not hours, literally SECONDS after I prayed for P I got a word! I'm gonna keep praying!
Psalm 18:19 - He brought me into a spacious place. He rescued me because he delighted in me.
Enlarge our Territory
Still no word on our little guy. We're pretty sure there was a match meeting on May 19th, and that we were matched with a child (P?), but beyond that all is quiet on the adoption front. It is winter in Lesotho. Perhaps too cold for the lawyers to sign whatever must be signed?
Samantha and I painted her brother's room, moved in bunk beds and stuffed animals and books and balls. It is no longer a guest room (sorry, Grandma!), but very much ready for an active little boy.
While we wait for word from Africa, my brother and his wife traveled to Russia. Yesterday they met their girls, my nieces, for the first time!
Samantha and I painted her brother's room, moved in bunk beds and stuffed animals and books and balls. It is no longer a guest room (sorry, Grandma!), but very much ready for an active little boy.
While we wait for word from Africa, my brother and his wife traveled to Russia. Yesterday they met their girls, my nieces, for the first time!
My prayer is that by Christmas we will all be together, uniting children from Indiana, Kentucky, Lesotho and Russia into one beloved family.
"Oh, that you would be with me and enlarge my territory..." 1 Chronicles 4:10
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